For the most part, people that have domineering and controlling attitudes, which is the opposite of Kingdom leadership, also have narcissistic tendencies. Narcissism is the characteristic of ultimate selfishness, being completely self-centered. It ranges from mild to extreme. Most of the time, narcissism is caused by too much negative criticism and even abuse in childhood. This causes major insecurity and fear of rejection, which roots itself in self-preservation.
Constant negative criticism does not equal being helpful! It does not teach anything good. The opposite happens, breeding insecurity and low self-worth, which can birth rejection and narcissism. There is no such thing as “tough” love in the Kingdom, we can correct with love, grace, compassion, and mercy. Narcissism is the opposite of being confident and humble.
The following is a list of questions to see if you, a spouse, or a parent have narcissistic tendencies:
1) Do you have a lot of insecurities? Do you lack confidence? Arrogance does not equal confidence.
2) Do you have a patronizing attitude, an attitude of superiority? Narcissists believe they are superior while others are inferior.
3) Do you try to use inaccurate Bible translations to feed your insecurities because you have a need to feel superior with all the control, especially with your wife?
4) Do you tend to use “humor” to cut people down, making jokes at other people’s expense?
5) Do you struggle with feelings of inadequacy?
6) Do you tend to build cases against people who seem successful or have authority over you at your job?
7) Do you mostly talk about yourself and your accomplishments? Do you always make it about you?
8) Do you feel entitled? Do you believe you deserve privileges or special treatment?
9) Do you tend to exaggerate, embellish, or lie to seem more important?
10) Do you become attached in an unhealthy way to people who give you attention?
11) Do you lack empathy? Empathy is purposing to understand how your words and behavior can impact the other person. Do you care that you may be hurting others? Do you try to understand their perception or point of view and how they are feeling?
12) Do you lack the skill of making the other person feel seen, heard, or understood?
13) Are you able to validate the other person’s feelings or do you always dismiss them? Narcissists are not interested in effective communication in order to make things better.
14) Do you use the other person's vulnerabilities against them?
15) Do you criticize others a lot? Do you put them down? Do you call them names?
16) Do you blame a lot, never taking responsibility for your own behavior? Narcissists never take responsibility because that would mean there is something wrong with them, and they can’t handle that.
17) Do you feel like the failures or bad experiences in your life are not your fault?
18) Do you feel driven to argue with or manipulate people into agreeing with you?
19) Do you have a need to always be right?
20) Do you feel rejected when people don’t agree with you?
21) Do others say you are obsessed with always being right?
22) Do you reject, or purposely don’t hang around people, who don’t share the same
opinions as you?
23) Do you feel like you always must have the last say?
24) Do you feel a need to be in control to be happy?
25) Do you have difficulties letting others voice their concerns and perceptions?
26) Do you have a difficult time hearing NO?
27) Do you have difficulty acknowledging when you are wrong or apologizing?
28) Do you always expect recognition?
29) Do you have a need for praise, attention, or admiration?
30) Do you value and prioritize yourself over others?
You don’t have to have all the above checked off to be considered narcissistic. If you only have a few checks, you probably need to learn and practice humility.
Narcissists don’t take responsibility for their behavior or actions, therefore there is no change. There can only be change when there is accountability! When one refuses to repent (be accountable, take responsibility and turn from their wicked ways,) you have every right Biblically to leave and divorce.
Get my book Life in God’s Kingdom, How to Manifest Heaven on Earth to understand the true qualities of a Kingdom leader, how to practice humility, and how to succeed financially, emotionally, spiritually, and physically in God’s Kingdom on earth. “On earth as it is in Heaven”.
Be free to be mighty for Jesus
In freedom and might,
Jeannette
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